We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
