The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
