i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
