Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
