I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
