You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
