I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
