My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
