What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think your dad took our porno
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
