i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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