I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
