i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize