I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
