Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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