someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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