i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
