One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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