well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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