If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
