I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
