I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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