I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
