im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
