evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
