ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
