i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
