The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
