you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
