Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
why do cheetos always look like penises
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
