I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
