i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
