she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
