I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
