So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
