Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
