thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
