how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
