omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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