I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize