quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
