Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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