just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
