i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
