I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
