If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
