she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
