Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i think i just lost a toe
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
