JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
