Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
