About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
