i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
