I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she pinky promised me she was 18
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
