My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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