Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
