xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize