I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Im part way to drunk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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