dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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