Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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