1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
