Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Someone signed my nipple.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
