you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
