So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
