Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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