WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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