You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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