Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Someone shattered a urinal.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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