i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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