she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
