Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
