i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
