I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
