Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
