the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
