it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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