1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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