Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
