Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
