I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
