it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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