Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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