??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This is my gift to your gina
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
