My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
