Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
