Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
