I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
