med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
