there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
