If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Rumble strips road head = magical
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
