i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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