Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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