the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
