I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize