So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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