i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
