actually, I'm a sock model
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
