No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize