We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
