I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
