Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
