Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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