I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was born a porn star she said
he puts the penis in happiness.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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