I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
