Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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