My room smells like vodka and shame
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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