God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
