no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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