I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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