is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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