Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
