Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
