It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize