so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
