i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
