Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
