Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
