Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
